Forever a Chrysalis

First things first, thank you to those who have been visiting this blog, despite my lack of initiative for updating you. i'm really touched by every single shout-out in the box.

i've been dreading hitting the "New Post" button forever and a day now. I just felt that, without my photography, I would be just another regular uninteresting fellow being without much to contribute. any medium other than photography makes me feel dumb and empty. so i still have no justification for this particular post. but i guess something is better than nothing. so here is my attempt at summing up what my life has been like since Nepal and what im trying to do to revisit my passion for photography. Warning: this could get a little personal :)

The past year I faced the toughest times of my life. Id never felt lower self-esteem and more confused. Most of it of course had to do with not being able to find a job. After graduating in June 2010, I suddenly had tons of time in my hands, loads of applications to send and no friends around me. That was definitely good for my creativity though, especially since I was living right by the woods (and god bless the woods). Photography was what made me feel grounded at the end of the day, an event I could look forward to on the weekends. However, by March, I still didn't have a single job offer and my time had run out. My bags were packed and I was ready to try to live off of doing photography. Or anything that I could get my hands on.

En route to Nepal via India, I got the call that changed the whole game for me. I got the offer I wanted and finally there seemed to be a somewhat "secure" future. But mind you, I make no qualms about having sent 100s of applications, done tons of interviews and attended a couple of assessment centres. I think all these have made me appreciate even more what I have now and I dont take anything for granted. It made me believe that some times, some people just have to wait a little longer to get what they really deserve.

Since August, I've been working as a consultant. Finally being able to justify my 20 years of business education. It's been a super crazy ride, with lots to digest and a few moments where i question my destiny. The ever so cliche - 'am I following my heart?' kinds. But I have no grounds to complain. AT ALL. i'm content, i feel useful and i'm enjoying every single day. almost.
occasionally i worry thinking of my camera lying in the drawer that has remained closed for a long stretch of time. but i am keeping my eyes on 2 people at work to get me started again. some earthlings are just too beautiful to miss eh?

i really really really hope the next post will be more pictures and less words. but im done beating myself up about checking to-do lists so no promises. But rest assured, i know photography will run in me through and through till i completely change my soul or something.

Anyways, thanks for reading and have a nice weekend :)

life in transit

Waiting there at the Suvarnabhumi Airport in Bangkok during a 6 hour transit, i had every intention of buying a ticket back to Nepal and "following my heart". i realised this was the longest i got to spend at home in the past 7 years. i guess it is then only natural to become so attached. Being back in Norway and adjusting to life near the woods has been anything but easy. The first couple of days all i could think of was the past months i got to spend in Kathmandu, the awesome people i met and just the privilege of being a pro photographer. but as they say, time does heal. i'm finally looking forward to starting a new career, something i've been preparing myself for the past, what, 20 years! i'm sure it's not going to be too bad, right?

But if you're in Kathmandu, then you're not quite done with me just yet. Before leaving, i did one last cover shoot for Wave's August issue and another project with Folio magazine which is due in September! Excited!

Lastly, please take care of the city while you're there?

a thank you note

photographs and brightly colored paper, 

are your mask you wear in this caper. that is our life

As the vehicle slowly started moving, i passed the central park of Kathmandu. The sun was about to set as it lit the short grasses with the last rays of light, slowly being teased by a cool breeze. A Norah Jones song started playing in my head. Boys were playing cricket, as their silhouette was being painted a faint orange by the light behind them. Oblivious to the traffic and noise around the park, some boys lay on the ground, day dreaming or making small chit chat. Some were in the mood for bromance. I saw a frightened yet excited eyes of a kid sitting almost on the handles of a bike without a helmet on (!!!). In the distance, I could see a fuzzy frame of white mountains beyond the valley covered by clouds of dust. A handsome tanned man on a bike gave me a confused look seeing the smile on my face. And all I could think of at that moment was to be thankful. To my camera.

So many of us take pictures to keep memories. We are scared our moments won’t come back and thus want to keep a part of it on glossy paper or on our computers. We often take them out to look back at disconnected friends and try to live up the times again, although photos are only one-dimensional, doing a poor job of describing the true essence of their content. Some of us take pictures simply to enjoy a narcissistic adrenaline rush admiring features of our physical image. Some of us are plain random, taking pictures of drunk acquaintances making an idiot out of themselves. Most people, when picking up a hobby or getting into a project, get so observed in itself that they only think about the end result. We forget to enjoy the journey.

That day I realized that of all the things I have learnt after picking up my camera, the most precious lesson was that I have begun to cherish moments when I don’t have a camera in my hands. I don't feel the excessive need to take  pictures when I travel or when I meet friends, for these times are for me to live up right then and there. Not to lose over a couple of frames that I can enjoy later. Maybe I won’t even remember most of such times again without a physical evidence to look at, but I don’t mind. If I have lived the moment when it’s happening, is that not going to make the best mental pictures?

I quote my friend Sanjog Rai , “photography class should be a requirement in all educational programs because it makes you see the world rather than just look at it...”. It is true. Even if you're not a hobbyist photographer, take out your cameras more often. Get really obsessed with how it works and think about how to get the most beautiful pictures. And once you put that camera down, you will see what a difference it makes to your perspective of things around you. You really begin to open your eyes.

p.s there's only a month and a half in Kathmandu left for me now. YIKES! I'm nervous and excited. 

Difficulties should act as a tonic. They should spur us to greater exertion.

~B. C. Forbes

eye candy

*picture's not mine

Found him here :)

i want the picture and a model like that!

Meow!

you think you have all the time? look what other people do with theirs!

i actually found this hillarious! How to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you!

i joined modelmayhem last week and now i have a model coming over this weekend for a shoot. How awesome is that!!! i'm SO excited!

Update: The model couldn't make it :( and I'd been going around the forest, looking for the perfect spot to shoot her. And my friend says, " Get used to it! Especially if you want to go professional". Now isn't that ironic!!

Coco

After a year of its release, I finally got to watch "Coco Avant Chanel" last night with my sister over cosy cups of tea and baked potato chips.

I couldn't help but feel inspired by the woman whose style we crave today. I have always had a deep respect for those who make it in the world through their own guts and talent. Although "Coco" won't be the perfect example to young girls (she was a mistress to a baron to open her up to the über French society), I fell in love with how she took the crap and sucked it up. She stuck with the baron and remained loyal to her own sense of style, when everyone else chose to get tied in corsets.

I was filled with ambition and a belief in myself. When was the last time you got inspired?

Rain.coffee.

Sitting here, obsessing over Kimberley Akrigg today.

whenever i find an artist that i love, i feel an obsessive need to go through their archives and see how they've grown. i love to find that point, that one photograph that defined their switch from an amateur to a real artist. It gives me such a satisfying sense of optimism =)

In Kimberley's case, i believe it was this day.

i'm not creepy, just observant..

today i could walk on forever.

this is what my sanctuary in the forest behind our place sounds like.

i always fear that someday i will meet a moose and i still don't know what one should do when faced by a moose. need to check on that.

 that's what a moose looks like. YIKES!

this might be the most beautiful thing you'll see today :=)

The Man Who Cant be Moved

animal instincts

this is what i've been up to....i have read about the frog metamorphosis in primary school and have always wanted to watch them grow. i never got a chance but with a little enthusiasm from my nephew, we caught 4 of em and now we're just waiting for them to leap out of the flower vase :)

tbh, they're growing uglier by the day!

the big bang

this is what i used to look like.....i think...but that's not me in the picture...

now i'm a completely different case.